Baby: P-p....pa...
Dad: Are you trying to say Papa?
Baby: P-p....
Baby: PLAIN PASTA! WHERE'S THE SAUCE? YOU CANT HAVE PASTA WITHOUT SAUCE
oliveracedavis:

BABY!
Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)
Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
Dad: Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
Dad: Fuck the government.
Dad: Fuck the school board.
Dad: Close the door.
Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
Dad: I love puns.
Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
Dad: Please shut up.
Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
Dad: They act like I care what they think.
Dad: I hate homework.
Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.
weirdblueman:

the new hoenn remake looks great

weirdblueman:

the new hoenn remake looks great

dekutree-official:

twirlingtroye:

sneak peak at Iggy Azalea’s new video

how dare you compare teen pop sensation britney britney to her you uncultured swine

dekutree-official:

twirlingtroye:

sneak peak at Iggy Azalea’s new video

how dare you compare teen pop sensation britney britney to her you uncultured swine

tastefullyoffensive:

Video game store makes the most of their broken shutters. [x]

tastefullyoffensive:

Video game store makes the most of their broken shutters. [x]

sebthemagicdragon:

takanye:

echat:

all you girls out there had that stage where you played online dress up games dont even lie

what do you mean had

what do you mean girls

baby: a- a- a-
parents: oh, the baby's first words!!
baby: a- aaa- al-
parents: apple?? air??
baby: a- al- al-
baby: Alchemy. The science of understanding, deconstructing, and reconstructing matter. However, it is not an all-powerful art; it is impossible to create something out of nothing. If one wishes to obtain something, something of equal value must be given. This is the Law of Equivalent Exchange, the basis of all alchemy. In accordance with this law, there is a taboo among alchemists: human transmutation is strictly forbidden - for what could equal the value of a human soul...?

shslequius:

*puts shoulder on son* hand

donatellavevo:

an emotional roller coaster from start to finish

haggardlibrary:

I am 75% sassier in my new glasses

haggardlibrary:

I am 75% sassier in my new glasses